Recovery fucking sucks sometimes. There are some days that are just so difficult, like you feel like you're crawling out of your skin just trying to remind yourself to breathe.
There are days where you don't want to get out of bed. Where even the thought of getting up and getting dressed just feels like too much.
There are days where it hurts to breathe, hurts to think, hurts to try and think of anything else other than that horrid fucking monster you're trying to escape from.
There are moments where you don't know how to just get through the day without falling apart.
But.. it's okay to feel these things, because recovery or not, feeling these things reminds me that I'm human. I'm not a machine with no emotions. Sometimes being human means feeling these raw emotions, no matter how impossible they make things feel. Sometimes, it's okay to just let yourself feel these things, even if it means constantly reminding yourself that these feelings will not kill you, and at the end of the day, you'll still be standing, in one piece, still living, breathing, existing.
That's where I'm at right now. Reminding myself that what I'm feeling, it's not going to kill me. Being knocked down (by anything) doesn't always have to be such a bad thing.. because maybe, when I stand back up, I'll do it a little faster and a little straighter than the last time.
For tonight though, recovery means knowing when it's time to stop fighting with myself.. and knowing when to just curl up in my nest with hot chocolate and a good book. I'm thinking that time is now.