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Thursday, May 3, 2012

"'cause you can bandage the damage;

you never really can fix a heart."

I feel like the past few days have been a struggle.  My mood has just been kind of low again. 
And I hate this.
I don't want this to be a daily struggle, even though I know it is.

It just feels like I'm always fighting something.  Getting exercise and eating properly when I feel horrible inside, trying to sleep when my mind is racing, it just feels like it's always something.

It's frustrating, and exhausting. 
But I know I have to keep going, because....maybe my life has a greater purpose than just existing.

I failed at taking my own life last year; there has to be a reason for that.  Things have to get better.

"Do you have to make me feel like
There's nothing left of me?

You can take everything I have,
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper."

This song (Demi Lovato - Skyscraper) is something that keeps me strong in times like this.  I don't know why; it sounds cliche, but listening to music like this really does help.
Actually, Demi Lovato in general just inspires me.  So much.

"You're beautiful; and you're worth more than harming yourself."  .... I find myself having to tell myself this a million times a day lately.
But tomorrow, I'll have three weeks free of self-harming again.  I remember last year when three weeks felt like a lifetime, and it does again now.  But I'm staying strong, one day, one hour, one minute, sometimes even one second at a time.

Stay strong.  <3

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