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Saturday, March 31, 2012

what am i to say....

I just wanted to post what's been going on with me lately (and yes, I will try to post more often again).

Things have been so up and down lately, and two weeks ago, everything came crashing down and I ended up in the hospital for 13 days.  Even though it was a really horrible part of my life, I'm so grateful that I made it to the hospital and got help for my issues.

I now know that this is going to be a daily battle, but I also know that I have the strength to get through it.  As long as I make sure getting healthy remains my number one priority, no matter what.

So I've dropped three of my four courses at school.  This means I'll have a lot less stress in my life, and a lot more time - for getting better.  I can go to the gym, eat super healthy, sleep regularly, etc.

I've learned that taking care of myself is the absolute best thing I can do for my mental health.  So I'm doing my best to go to bed at the same time every night.  After years of sleeping very irregularly, it's a lot harder than it sounds.  I remember many times where I felt like I was missing out on life if I went to sleep - I can't do that anymore.  I have to sleep or I risk my mental health falling apart all over again.
As well as that, there's eating properly and making sure I get lots of exercise.

And the biggest battle - not self-harming.
I hate to say it, but through the hell I recently went through, I relapsed after nine and a half months.  It was an awful feeling, but I'm trying to remind myself constantly that those couple weeks where I was self-harming again DO NOT ERASE those nine months.  And that if I got to nine months before, I can do it again. 

I can do this.

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